“Brian, what’s wrong with you? You’ve been sitting at your desk looking depressed for the last five minutes!”
“Oh, Dan,” responded Brian, “I don’t know what to do! I got in a big fight last night with my Suzie, she claims I never buy her gifts, so I must not care about her!”
“Brian, that’s horrible!” said Dan, putting his arm around Brian. “What type of a gift does she want already?”
“Well, right before she closed the door on my face, she said to me: `Why don’t you show me how much you care about me? Why can’t you get me something that goes from 0 to 175 in seconds!`
Dan, what should I do? I don’t have that kind of money. I can’t go out and buy her a car!”
“A car?” Asked Dan. “Who needs a car? Just stop by Target and buy her a scale!” …
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A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart’s birthday,
and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: romantic, but not too personal.
Accompanied by his sweetheart’s younger sister, he went to Nordstrom and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself.
During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note:
“I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears short ones that are easier to remove.
These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart.
I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.
When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.
Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night. All my love.
P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.”
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Dangerous Assumption
On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher.
The florist’s son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers.
The candy-store owner’s daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy.
Then the liquor-store owner’s son brought up a big, heavy box.
The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit.
She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it.
“Is it wine?” she guessed.
“No,” the boy replied. She tasted another drop and asked, ” Champagne?”
“No,” said the little boy… “It’s a puppy!”
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It was a few days before Valentine’s Day and a young woman was taking an afternoon nap.
After she woke up, she told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine’s day! What do you think it means?”
Her husband smiled. “Oh, I have a feeling you’ll know later tonight.” he said with a wink.
His wife squealed with joy.
That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.
Delighted, she opened it… only to find a book titled “The meaning of dreams.”
