Paul was in the hospital for a complete check-up.
At 11:00 AM, they brought him soup for lunch. He refused it.
At 2 PM, they again tried to serve him some soup, which he refused.
Again, at 5 PM and 7 PM, they tried, and both times Paul turned down the soup, so they gave up.
In preparation for the next day’s test, they entered his room at 3 AM, 4 AM, and 6 AM and gave him an enema each time.
When Paul got home from the hospital after the tests, he told his wife, Anna, “Whatever you do, if you go to that hospital and they try to serve you soup, take it! If you refuse it, they sneak in while you’re asleep and shove it up your @ss!”
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An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.
Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he figured that the latest episode was just that, so he stayed put.
Suddenly, however, he filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.
In a complete loss of composure, he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.
A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. The drunk started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms v.i.olently, in an attempt to free himself of the sheets. He ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.
As the drunk stood there, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard who had witnessed the entire incident, walked up to him and asked: “What the hell is going on?”
The drunk, still staring down at the sheets, replied, “I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost.”
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Woman Suffering in Pain.
Her husband strokes her back and says,
“I’m sorry sweety, you have to go through this.”
She says, “Don’t worry. It’s not your fault.”
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A couple went to have their baby delivered…
Upon arrival, the doctor said there is this new technology that would transfer a portion of the mother’s labor pain to the baby’s father, via a machine. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.
The doctor set the pain transfer ratio to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. However as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch.
The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.
The doctor checked the husband over and was amazed at how well he was doing.
At this point, they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well.
Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him…..
The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband both were ecstatic…
When they reached home…The cook was lying dead in the kitchen!
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“What happened?” asked the hospital visitor to the heavily bandaged man sitting up in bed.
“Well, I went down to Margate at the weekend and decided to take a ride on the roller coaster. As we came up to the top of the highest loop, I noticed a little sign by the side of the track. I tried to read it but it was very small and I couldn’t make it out.
“I was so curious that I decided to go round again, but we went by so quickly that I couldn’t see what the sign said.
“By now, I was determined to read that sign so I went round a third time. As we reached the top, I stood up in the car to get a better view.”
“And did you manage to see what the sign said this time?” asked the visitor.
“Yes.”
“What did it say?”
“Don’t stand up in the car!”
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A beautiful young woman was about to undergo a minor operation.
She was lying on a hospital trolley bed with nothing on, except a sheet over her.
The nurse pushed her trolley down the corridor towards the operating theater, where she left the woman on the trolley outside, while she went in to check whether everything was ready.
A young man wearing a white coat approached her, lifted the sheet up and started examining her naked body. He put the sheet back and then walked away and talked to another man in a white coat.
A second man came over, lifted the sheet and performed the same examinations.
When a third man did the same thing, yet even more carefully, she began to grow impatient and blurted out: “All these examinations are fine and appreciated, but when are you going to start the operation?”
