A man who had just undergone a very complicated operation kept complaining about a bump on his head and a terrible headache.
Since his operation had been an intestinal one, there was no earthly reason why he should be complaining of a headache.
Finally, his nurse, fearing that the man might be suffering from some post-operative shock, spoke to the doctor about it.
The doctor assured the nurse, “Don’t worry about a thing. He really does have a bump on his head. About halfway through the operation, we ran out of anesthetic.”
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In order to pay his medical school tuition, Thomas Merrick was working two jobs over the summer.
By day, he worked at LeClaire’s Market—a butcher shop. He wore a stiff white coat splattered with crimson and trimmed fat.
By night, he transformed. Down at St. Ambrose Hospital, he traded cleavers for stretchers. As an orderly on the graveyard shift, his white coat now clean and crisp, worn over hospital scrubs.
One night, long past midnight, Thomas was called to prepare a patient for surgery. Room 216. Elderly woman. Appendectomy.
He arrived with his usual calm, smiled softly, gently eased the gurney beside her bed, and began to help the nurses ready her for the trip down to the OR.
She was pale. Small. Her eyes fluttered open, cloudy but alert. As Thomas leaned in to adjust the straps, the room froze. Her eyes locked onto him—wide, horrified. Her lips trembled.
Then, as if struck by lightning, she bolted upright and screamed with the terror of a woman who believed her last hour had come:
“God save me! It’s the butcher!”
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An old man goes to his doctor,
complaining about a pain in his leg that doesn’t heal and wants a diagnosis and explanation. The doctor sees his leg, but can’t find anything wrong. So he gives the old guy a full physical exam, and still can’t come up with any possible explanation for the pain.
The doctor hands the patient his bill and says, “I’m sorry but the pain in your leg is simply caused by old age, there’s nothing I can do about it.”
The old man replies with a look of disbelief, “That’s impossible! That can’t be!”
The doctor says, “What do you mean? I’m the expert here; if you know so much, how can you say it’s not old age?”
The patient answers, “I’m no doctor but it doesn’t take a medical degree to tell that your diagnosis is wrong. Clearly, you’re mistaken. After all, my other leg feels just fine.”
“So what?” says the doctor. “What difference does that make?”
“Well, it doesn’t hurt a bit, and it’s the same age!”
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A middle-aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table, she has a near-death experience. During that experience, she sees God and asks if this is it. God says NO and explains that she has another 30-40 years to live.
Upon her recovery she decides to just stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck – you name it, she had it. She even has someone come in and change her hair color. She figures since she’s got another 30 or 40 years she might as well make the most of it.
She walks out of the hospital after the last operation when she is k*lled by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital.
She arrives in front of God and asks, “I thought you said I had another 30-40 years?”
“Oh, ” Said God. “I didn’t recognize you.”
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A beautiful young woman was about to undergo a minor operation.
She was lying on a hospital trolley bed with nothing on, except a sheet over her.
The nurse pushed her trolley down the corridor towards the operating theater, where she left the woman on the trolley outside, while she went in to check whether everything was ready.
A young man wearing a white coat approached her, lifted the sheet up and started examining her naked body. He put the sheet back and then walked away and talked to another man in a white coat.
A second man came over, lifted the sheet and performed the same examinations.
When a third man did the same thing, yet even more carefully, she began to grow impatient and blurted out: “All these examinations are fine and appreciated, but when are you going to start the operation?”
