Sally goes to work one morning, crying her eyes out.
Her boss, concerned for his employee, walks over to her and asks sympathetically, “What’s the matter?”
The blonde replies, “Early this morning, I got a phone call that my mother had passed away.”
The boss, feeling very sorry at this point, suggests to the young girl, “Why don’t you go home for the day… we aren’t terribly busy. Just take the day off and go relax.”
Sally very calmly states, “No, I’d be better off here. I need to keep my mind busy, and I have the best chance of doing that here.”
The boss agrees and allows her to work as usual.
“If you need anything, just let me know,” says the boss.
A few hours pass, and the boss decides to check on Sally. He looks out of his office and sees her crying hysterically.
He rushes over and asks, “What’s the matter now? Are you going to be ok?”
Sally breaks down in tears, “I just received a horrible call from my sister. She said that her mom di3d too!!”
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Two sisters, a blonde and a brunette, inherit the family ranch.
Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so they can breed their own stock.
The brunette balances their checkbook, then decides to take their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon leaving, she tells her sister, “If I decide to buy the bull, I’ll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.”
The brunette arrives at the man’s ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram.
She walks into the telegraph office, and says, “I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I’ve bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pick-up truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.”
The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be glad to help her, then adds, “It’s just 99 cents a word.”
Well, with only $1 left after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she’ll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, “I want you to send her the word, comfortable.”
The telegraph operator shakes his head. “How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pick-up truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you just write, comfortable?”
The brunette explains, “My sister’s a blonde. She’ll read it slowly.”
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A woman got a problem with her closet door – it was felling every time a bus was passing by. So she called a repair man.
The repairman comes and sees that indeed, the door falls out every time when a bus passes by.
“OK, I am gonna see what is going on, just close the door behind me” and he stepps into the closet.
At that time the husband comes from work, opens the closet and finds the repairman.
Husband: “What the hell are you doing here!”
Repairman: “Well, you are not going to believe it, but I am waiting for a bus!”
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One night there were three female fugitives escaping from jail.
One was blonde, one was brunette and the other was a redhead.
They had the police hot on their trail and, quickly thinking the brunette points out an old, abandoned factory perfect for hiding in.
When all three were inside the redhead, quickly thinking said they should all hide in old potato sacks in the corner as they could hear the police approaching the factory.
They all got in their little potato sacks and barely a minute later the police came crashing through the door.
They looked at the sacks and said: ‘Hmm maybe they are hiding in these.’
The officer kicks the red-head’s sack and she makes whimpering noises. ‘Hmm just puppies in that sack’
The officer kicks the brunette’s sack and she makes mewing noises. ‘Hmm just kittens in that sack’ He says.
He finally kicks the blonde’s sack and she screams: ‘POTATOES! POTATOES!’
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A blond becomes terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet.
“I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.”
When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.
“Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor said, “Did you follow my instructions?”
The blonde nodded… “I’ll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.”
“From hunger, you mean?”, asked the doctor.”
“No, from skipping everywhere.”
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A blonde holding a baby walks into a drug store
and asks the clerk if she can use the stores baby scale.
“Sorry, ma’am,” says the clerk. “Our baby scale is broken. But we can figure the baby’s weight if we weigh mother and baby together on the adult scale, and then weigh the mother alone, and subtract the second number from the first.”
“Oh, that won’t work,” says the blonde.
“Why not?” asks the clerk.
“Because,” she answers, “I’m not the mother – I’m the aunt.”
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A blond had just totaled her car in a horrific accident.
Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
“My God!” the trooper gasped. “Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma’am?”
“Yes, officer, I’m just fine.” the blond chirped.
“Well, how in the world did this happen?” the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
“Officer, it was the strangest thing!” the blond began.
“I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was…”
“Uh, ma’am?”, the officer said, cutting her off, “There isn’t a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth.”
