With a very seductive voice the woman asked her husband,
“Have you ever seen twenty dollars all crumpled up … ?” the woman asked her husband.
“No”, replied her husband.
She gave him a lingering, sensuous smile, and slowly unbuttoned the top four buttons of her blouse. She slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra . . . and pulled out a crumpled twenty dollar note.
He took the crumpled twenty dollar note from her, and smiled approvingly.
“Have you ever seen fifty dollars all crumpled up … ?” she then asked her husband.
“Uh . . . no, I haven’t” he told her, with a slightly anxious tone in his voice.
She gave him another sexy little smile, pulled up her skirt and seductively retrieved a crumpled fifty dollar note.
He took the crumpled fifty dollar note, and started breathing a little quicker with anticipation.
“Now” she said, “have you ever seen $50,000 dollars all crumpled up?”
“No way” he exclaimed, while becoming even more breathless.
“Well, go look in the garage!” she replied.
================================================
After a meeting several days ago, I couldn’t find my keys. I quickly gave myself a personal “TSA Pat Down.”
They weren’t in my pockets. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My husband has scolded me many times for leaving my keys in the car’s ignition. He’s afraid that the car could be stolen. As I looked around the parking lot, I realized he was right. The parking lot was empty. I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.
Then I made the most difficult call of all to my husband: “I left my keys in the car and it’s been stolen.”
There was a moment of silence. I thought the call had been disconnected, but then I heard his voice. “Are you kidding me?” he barked, “I dropped you off!”
Now it was my turn to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, “Well, can you come and get me?”
He retorted, “I will, as soon as I convince this cop that I didn’t steal your car!”
Welcome to the golden years…
================================================
One night, a wife found her husband standing next to their baby’s crib. She watched him quietly.
As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, even skepticism.
Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening, she slipped her arm around her husband and asked, “What happened?”
“It’s amazing!” he replied. “I just can’t figure how anybody can make a crib like that for only $67.50!”
================================================
Bob went over to his friend Joe’s house and was amazed at how well Joe treated his wife.
He often told her how attractive she was, complimented her on her cooking and showered her with hugs and kisses.
“Gee,” Bob remarked later, “you really make a big fuss over your wife”.
“I started to appreciate her more about six months ago,” Joe said. “It has revived our marriage and we couldn’t be happier.”
Inspired, Bob hurried home, hugged his wife and told her how much he loved her and said he wanted to hear all about her day. But she burst into tears.
“Honey,” Bob said, “whats’ the matter?”.
“This has been the worst day,” she replied. “This morning Billy fell off his bike and broke his ankle, then the washing machine broke. Now to top it off, you come home drunk!”.
================================================
A husband and wife are having a friendly debate one night, centered on the topic of who has better friends.
They each offer a wide variety of anecdotes and stories, but in the end, they decide to put it to the test.
“Here’s what we’ll do,” the wife suggests. “I’ll call your friends, and you call mine. We’ll both pretend that the other person hasn’t come home yet, and that we’re worried. Whoever’s friends give the best advice about where to find us clearly know us better, and therefore are better.”
The husband agrees to the game, and they both head off into separate rooms. When they reconvene a half an hour later, the husband looks defeated.
“Well, honey,” he says, “I think it’s pretty clear that you have better friends. Every one of them listed each of your favorite restaurants, salons, shops, and art galleries, and they had phone numbers for each of them. They knew your work hours by heart, your office extension, your boss’s name, and even the route that you take home.”
The wife shakes her head. “No, dear,” she replies, “you have better friends.”
“Why do you say that?” asks the husband.
“Well,” the wife replies, “most of them said that you’d been at their place, and three of them said that you were still there.”
