A farmer was driving along the road with a load of manure.
A little boy, Pappu, playing in front of his house, saw him and called, “What’ve you got in your truck?”
“Manure,” the farmer replied.
“What are you going to do with it?” asked Pappu.
“Put it on strawberries,” answered the farmer.
“You ought to live here,” Pappu advised him. “We put sugar and cream on ours.”
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There was once a very successful farmer from Texas who started gaining interest in his ancestry.
After doing some digging, he traced his lineage back to a small town in Ireland. And lo and behold, they were a family of farmers. So he packed his bags and took a trip to Ireland to visit the small town to see if he could track down some of his kin.
After landing in Dublin, and driving an hour outside of the city, he stopped in a pub to grab a drink and start asking around about his family. The Texan sat down, ordered a pint, and started talking to the Irishman sitting at the bar.
After explaining his story and the purpose of the trip, the Irishman responded, “You don’t say! I’ve never heard of your family, but I’m a farmer as well. Tell me, what’s it like farming in Texas?”
“Gladly,” the Texan said, “farming in Texas has been quite lucrative for me. If you started out in the morning, and drove west, you could drive all day before you reached the end of my property. And if you started the next day and drove East all day, you wouldn’t reach the end of my property. Same thing North and South, you could drive either direction all day and you wouldn’t reach the end of my farmland.”
“Ahh, I know what you mean,” said the Irishman, “I’ve got a tractor like that as well.”
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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead team were sent out to install telephone poles for the Telephone Company.
After the first day, the brunette team had installed 30 poles, the redhead team had installed 37 poles, and the blonde team had installed 7.
The contractor was outraged with the blonde team and demanded to know why they had done so few.
“Hey, we saw what the other teams were doing. Their’s were still sticking out of the ground.”
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A southern farmer got in his pickup and drove several miles to a neighboring farm and knocked on the farmhouse door.
A young boy, about 12, opened the door. “Is yer pa home?” he asked.
“No sir, he sure ain’t,” the boy replied. “He went to town.”
“Well,” said the farmer. “Is yer ma home?”
“No, she ain’t here either. She went to town with pa.” “Well, then, how about yer brother, Joe, is he here?” “No sir, he went with pa and ma.”
The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, and mumbling to himself.
“Is there anything I kin do fer ya’?” inquired the young boy politely. “I know where all the tools are, if you want to borry one; Or maybe I could take a message fer pa.”
“Well,” said the farmer uncomfortably, “I really wanted to talk to yer pa. It’s about your brother Joe getting my daughter, Pearly Mae, pregnant.”
The boy considered for a moment. “You would have to talk to pa about that,” he finally conceded. “I know that pa charges $500 for the bull and $250 for the boar hog, but I really don’t know how much he gets for Joe.”
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Two Texas farmers, Jim and Bob are sitting in a bar, enjoying beers.
Jim turns to Bob, and says, “You know what, I’m going to go to college!”
He then leaves the bar and makes his way over to the local college. He is met with the Dean of Administration, who is explaining to Jim what classes he is going to take.
“Alright, Jim. You are going to take 4 classes,” the Dean says. “English, Math, Science, and Logic.”
“Logic?” Jim asks. “What the hell is that?”
“Here, I’ll give you an example. Do you own a weed wacker?”
Proudly, Jim responded, “Yes, I do.”
“Well, if you own a weed wacker, then logically speaking you own a lawn,” the Dean said.
“Yes, yes I do have a lawn!”
“Well, if you have a lawn, then logically speaking you own a house.”
“Yes, yes I do have a house!”
“And if you have a house, then logically speaking you have a family.”
“Yes, yes I do have a family!”
“And if you have a family, then logically speaking you have a wife. And if you have a wife, then logically speaking you’re heteros*xual.”
“Yes, yes I do have a wife and I am heteros*xual! Wow, I can’t believe you found out all of that just because you knew I had a weed wacker!” Jim exclaimed.
“Yeah, that’s what logic is,” the Dean responded.
Jim excitedly went back to the bar, awaited by Bob.
“Bob, I’m taking 4 classes in college. English, Math, Science, and Logic,” Jim told Bob.
“Logic?” Bob asks. “What the hell is that?”
“Here, I’ll give you an example. Do you own a weed wacker?”
“No.”
“Then you’re gay.”
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One day a travelling salesman was driving down the country road at about 30 mph when he noticed a three-legged chicken running alongside his car.
He stepped on the gas, but the chicken was still keeping up. After about a mile, the chicken ran up a farm lane and into a barn behind an old farmhouse. The salesman turned around and drove up the farm lane.
He knocked at the door, and when the farmer answered, he told him what he had just seen. The farmer said that he was a geneticist and had developed this breed of chicken because he, his wife and son like drumstick.
“That’s the most fantastic thing I’ve ever heard,” said the salesman. “How do they taste?”
“I don’t know,” said the farmer. “We’ve never caught one.”
