A woman came storming up to the Postal counter.
She gave a parcel Pick-up notice and complained, “This morning, your mailman came with our parcel for delivery. He left this note for us to pick up from the post office, but my husband was home all the time. Why could he not knock on our doors and deliver the parcel at home?”
The Post master was polite and apologetic. He went inside, brought the parcel, and delivered it to the lady.
Then, just casually, he asked, “Ma’am, what is inside this parcel that upsets you so much?”
The lady replied, “My husband’s first new hearing aids.”
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A man is bragging about his new hearing aid.
“It’s the best I’ve ever had,” he says. “It cost $3,000.”
His friend asks, “What kind is it?”
He says, “Half past four!”
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An elderly man feared his wife was getting hard of hearing.
So he called her doctor to make an appointment to check her hearing.
The doctor said he could see her in two weeks, but suggested a simple, informal test the husband could do to give the doctor some idea of the dimensions of the problem.
“Here’s what you do. Start about 40 feet away from her, speak normally, and see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.”
So that evening she’s in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he’s in the living room, and he says to himself, “I’m about 40 feet away, let’s see what happens when I talk to her.”
“Honey, what’s for dinner?”
He calls. No response. So he moves to the other end of the room, about 30 feet away.
“Honey, what’s for dinner?”
No response. So he moves into the dining room, about 20 feet away. He starts shouting.
“HONEY, what’s for dinner?”
No response. On to the kitchen door, only 10 feet away.
“HONEY, what’s for DINNER??”.
No response. So he walks right up behind her and screams:
“HONEY, WHAT’S FOR DINNER??!?!”
His wife turns to him in a rage and screams.
“CHICKEN, CHICKEN! For the FIFTH TIME, WE’RE HAVING CHICKEN!!!”
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A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor.
The doctor says, “Okay, Mrs. Jones, what’s the problem?” The mother says, “It’s my daughter Darla, she keeps getting these cravings, she’s putting on weight and is sick most mornings.”
The doctor gives Darla a good examination then turns to the mother and says, “Well, I don’t know how to tell you this but Darla is pregnant, about four months would be my guess.”
The mother says, “Pregnant?! She can’t be, she has never ever been left alone with a man! Have you Darla?” Darla says, “No mother! I’ve never even kissed a man!”
The doctor walked over to the window and just stares out it. About five minutes pass and finally the mother says, “Is there something wrong out there doctor?
The doctor replies, “No, not really, it’s just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. I’ll be darned if I’m going to miss it this time!”
