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Wish Granted.

A couple had been married for 35 years, and the pair was also celebrating their 60th birthdays.

During the celebration, a fairy godmother appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would grant them each one wish.

The wife said she wanted to travel around the world. The fairy godmother waved her magic wand and boom. The wife had the tickets in her hand.

Then it was the husband’s turn. He paused for a moment, then said boldly, “Well, I’d like to have a wife 30 years younger than I.”

The fairy godmother picked up her wand and boom. He was now 90.

Do you want a wish?

Ralph came home dr*nk one night,

slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber…

He awoke before the Pearly Gates where saint Peter said, “You d*ed in your sleep Ralph.”

Ralph was stunned. “I’m dead? No I can’t be! I’ve got too much to live for. Send me back!”

St Peter said, “I’m sorry, but there’s only one way you can go back, and that is as a lesser being. An animal.”

Ralph was devastated, but begs St Peter to send him to a farm near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground.

A rooster strolled past. “So you’re the new hen, huh? How’s your first day here?”

“Not bad,” replied Ralph the Hen, “but I have this strange feeling inside, like I’m going to explode.”

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A Redneck and His Pig.

“You’re ovulating,” explained the rooster. “Don’t tell me you’ve never laid an egg before!”

“Never.” said Ralph.

“Well just relax and let it happen,” says the rooster, “It’s no big deal.”

Ralph did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! Ralph was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg – his joy was overwhelming.

As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife yell…

“RALPH wake up! You cr*pped the bed!”

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