Lily
Fred collected lots of money from trick-or-treating and he went to the candy store to buy some chocolate.
“You should give that money to charity,” said the sales girl.
Fred thought for a moment and said:
“No, I’ll buy the chocolate. You give the money to charity.”
Fred: “Why do elephants wear red nail polish?”
Bob: “I don’t know, why?”
Fred: “To hide in cherry trees.”
Bob: “But I’ve never seen an elephant in a cherry tree.”
Fred: “See, it works.”
Money for case
Lawyer: “Well Barney, so you want me to defend you? Have you got any money?”
Barney: “No sir. I ain’t got no money, but I do get a 1928 Ford Car!”
Lawyer: “Well you can raise money on that. Now let’s see, just what do they accuse you of stealing?”
Barney: “A 1928 Ford Car.”
A man visits his aunt in the nursing home.
It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table.
Eventually, the aunt wakes up, and her nephew realizes he’s absentmindedly finished the entire bowl of peanuts.
“I’m so sorry, auntie, I’ve eaten all of your peanuts!”
“That’s okay, dearie,” the aunt replied. “After I’ve sucked the chocolate off, I don’t care for them anyway.”