Lily
A driver visiting a big city for the first time stopped at a red light.
But when the light turned green, he stayed where he was.
After the light changed several more times and he still didn’t move, a traffic cop ran over and inquired politely, “What’s wrong? Don’t we have any colors you like?”
The candidate was interviewing for a job at a phone answer center
and was asked to make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink, and Green.
After thinking about it for a couple of minutes, the reply was, “When the phone goes GREEN, GREEN, GREEN, I PINK up the phone and say YELLOW!”
She got the job.
Two blondes are working at a warehouse.
One blonde, tired of working, says to the other: “Watch this, I’m going to act crazy so that the boss will send me home.”
She climbs up the racking and hangs from the rafters yelling “I’M A LIGHTBULB, I’M A LIGHTBULB, I’M A LIGHTBULB!!”
“What are you doing?! Get down from there and GO HOME!” shouts the boss.
The second blonde picks up her toolbag and heads towards the door. “Where in the HELL do you think you’re going??” the boss exclaims.
“Well, I can’t work in the dark!”
Father O’Flannagan dies due to old age.
Upon entering St. Peter’s gate, there is another man in front of him in the queue waiting to go into heaven.
St. Peter asks the man, “What is your name what did you accomplish during your life?”.
The man responds “My name is Joe Cohen, and I was a New York city taxi driver for 14 years”
“Very well,” says St. Peter, “Here is your silk robe and golden scepter, now you may walk in the streets of our Lord.”
St. Peter looks at the Father, and asks “What is your name and what did you accomplish?”
He responds, “I’m Father O’Flannagan, and have devoted the last 62 years to the Lord.”
“Very well,” says St. Peter, “Here is your cotton robe and wooden staff, you may enter.”
“Wait a minute,” says O’Flannagan, “You gave the taxi driver a silk robe and golden scepter, why did I only get a cotton robe and wooden staff?”
“Well,” St. Peter replied, “We work on a performance scale. While you preached, everyone slept, but when he drove taxis, everyone prayed!”