The soldier asked for a furlough so that he might get married.
“How long have you known the Girl?” His superior asked.
“A Week.”
“Why, my lad, that is hardly long enough. I suggest that you wait a couple of months, and then, if you still want to get married, I shall grant you a furlough.”
In two months, the soldier was back, reminding his superior of his promise.
“So you still want to get married? My, My! I did not suppose that a young man would stay interested in the same girl for such a long time nowadays.”
“I know, sir. But it is not the same girl, sir.”
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Three Soldiers had just gotten out of the Army and decided to celebrate by taking a helicopter ride.
One of the soldiers is eating a banana and says, “I wonder if we’d be able to see it land, if I threw the peel out?” Out goes the peel and they all watch it but don’t see it land.
One of the others has a rock and says “This is bigger, we should be able to see it land.” They all watch, but don’t see it land.
The last one takes a grenade out of his pocket, pulls the pin and tosses it out of the door.
“We’ll see that when it hits.” They watch, but still nothing.
Walking home they see a little girl crying and they ask, what’s wrong?
“Well I was walking and slipped on a banana peel that came from nowhere.”
The soldiers explain what happened and are helping the girl home when they see a little boy sitting on the side of the road holding his head. They ask what happened?
“I was walking when a rock hit me on the head.”
They tell the story again and start to wonder what happened to the grenade.
One of them races ahead and sees an old lady laughing hysterically. He asks what’s so funny?
The old lady says, “I just farted and my house blew up!!”
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A man walked into a supermarket with his zipper down.
A checkout chick walked up to him and said, “Your barracks door is open.”
Not a phrase that men normally use, he went on his way looking a bit puzzled.
When he was just about done shopping, a man came up and said, “Your fly is open.”
He zipped up and finished his shopping.
At the checkout, he intentionally got in the line where the girl was that told him about his “barracks door.”
He was planning to have a little fun with her, so when he reached the counter he said,
“When you saw my barracks door open, did you see a soldier standing in there at attention?”
The girl thought for a moment and said:
“No, no I didn’t…….but I saw a disabled veteran sitting on a couple of old duffel bags.”
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Once upon a time there was a famous sea captain.
This captain was very successful at what he did; for years he guided merchant ships all over the world. He was admired by his crew and fellow captains. However, there was one thing different about this captain. Every morning he went through a strange ritual. He would lock himself in his captain’s quarters and open a small safe. In the safe was an envelope with a piece of paper inside. He would stare at the paper for a minute, and then lock it back up. After, he would go about his daily duties.
For years this went on, and his crew became very curious. Was it a treasure map? Was it a letter from a long lost love? Everyone speculated about the contents of the strange envelope.
One day the captain died at sea. After laying the captain’s body to rest, the first mate led the entire crew into the captains’ quarters. He opened the safe, got the envelope, opened it. The stunned first mate turned pale and showed the paper to the others. Four words were on the paper, two on two lines:
Port Left
Starboard Right
