The other night I was invited out for a night with the girls. I told my husband that I would be home by midnight.
Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3AM, a bit loaded, I headed home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and ‘cuckooed’ three times.
Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I ‘cuckooed’ another NINE times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him, “Midnight.”
He didn’t seem pissed off in the least. Whew, I got away with that one!
Then he said, “But we need a new clock.”
When I asked him why, he said, “Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, ‘oh, shit.’ Cuckooed four more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table.”
This guy’s wife gets a cat and he hates it.
So one day, while his wife is gone to work, the guy puts the cat in the back seat of the car, drives a few blocks, and lets the cat out. When he gets home, the cat’s sitting there on the front porch.
So the next day, the guy waits until his wife leaves for work again, then throws the cat in the car, drives a mile away from the house, and tosses the cat out. When he gets home, the cat’s sitting there again on the front porch.
Well, the guy’s furious. So he waits until the next day, then throws the cat in the car, and drives as far and fast as he can, making all the turns and doubling back he can to throw off the cat. He dumps out the cat and heads home, but realizes he can’t ﬁgure out where he is.
So that afternoon, his wife comes home and answers the ringing phone. It’s her husband. He asks, “Is the cat there?”
She says, “Yes.”