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The Old Drunk.

I was sitting at a bar one time,

when I noticed that, next to me, an old drunk was hassling one of the biggest, toughest guys I’d ever seen.

The old guy was clearly blasted, and kept getting in the tough guy’s face, saying “I slept with your mother.”

Despite being huge and jacked, the tough guy just kept shrugging it off.

The old guy laughed in the tough guy’s face, saying it again. “Hey, I slept with your mother.”

Then, the old man even poked him, and repeated himself, “No seriously, I slept with your mother.”

At this point, finally, the tough guy had had enough.

He grabbed the old man by his jacket and began to pull him out of the bar, yelling,

“That’s it. We’re going home, Dad. You’re drunk.”

Have you ever drunk?

A women is cooking eggs in the kitchen when her husband comes running in…

Immediately, he sees the eggs and gasps in horror. “Be careful! CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh, my GOSH!”

The wife, startled at her husband’s reaction, dashes to the fridge to get some butter.

“You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!”

The wife, concerned by the status of her husband’s mental state, forgets about the butter and goes running to the eggs.

“WE NEED BUTTER! Are you CRAZY???

Where are we going to get the butter? They’re going to stick! HURRY!”

The wife runs to the fri-

“CAREFUL about the eggs! CAREFUL. You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them quickly! Oh not that quickly, don’t you know how to cook? Are you insane? Turn the DAMN EGGS!”

READ
The Marathon Runner.

At this point, the wife starts crying, since she has no idea what to do.

She gasps “What is WRONG with you? I know how to cook eggs.”

The husband simply smiles, remarks “I just wanted to show you what it feels like while I’m driving with you in the car”, and leaves.

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