Lily
At a hotel restaurant, a man sees an attractive woman sitting alone at the next table.
Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her.
“This is so embarrassing,” the woman says, and she pops her eye back in place.
“I’m sorry to have disturbed you. Let me buy dinner to make it up to you. May I join you?”
He nods. The woman is a stimulating conversationalist, stunningly pretty, and the man finds they have a lot in common.
He gets her phone number and asks, “You are the most charming woman I’ve ever encountered. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?”
“No,” she replies. “You just happened to catch my eye.”
If only it always worked liked that.
“Hello. Hi Honey. This is daddy. Is mommy near the phone?”
“No daddy. She is upstairs in the bedroom with uncle Paul.”
After a short pause, daddy says: “but honey, you don’t have an uncle Paul.”
“Oh yes, mommy says I do and he is upstairs with mommy in the bedroom right now.”
After a short time daddy says: “Okay, then this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and scream that daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway.”
“Okay daddy, just a minute.”
A few minutes later the little girl comes back on the phone.
“I did it daddy.”
“And what happened honey?” daddy asked.
“Well, mommy got all scared, jumped out of the bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. The she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn’t moving at all.”
“Oh my God!!!! And what happened to your uncle Paul?”
“He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn’t know that you took out the water last week and cleaned it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he is dead.”
*Long pause …*
The daddy says,
“Swimming pool? …. Is this 486-5731?”