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The Miracle Man.

The police detectives were having trouble determining whether or not their suspects were guilty.

They just couldn’t get them to confess. After hearing word of a telepath who is able to determine if any person brought before him committed a crime, they decide to consult him.

They bring the first suspect in, and instantly the man says, “This person has committed m*rder. He m*rdered a pizza man delivering to his house.”

Speechless, the police start to think this man is the real deal. “He has to be telling the truth,” they say to each other. “We haven’t told him anything about the case.”

They bring another suspect in, and instantly the man says, “this man is innocent, and has committed no crimes. He was framed of burglary by his next door neighbor, Bill Summers.”

The cops are dumbfounded. “How does he know? We haven’t told him anything about the case!” The cops are a bit skeptical, and decide to make a little test.

They bring in a beautiful woman they know to have not committed a felony. An officer enters the room with her, and instantly the man says, “This woman has committed theft.”

The officer, knowing this is a lie, tell the man, “We knew it! We brought her in to truly test your abilities, and clearly you’re a fraud!” They dismiss the woman.

“I would catch up to her if I were you,” says the man.

“And why is that?” Asks the officer.

“Because she stole your wallet.”

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We Have All We Need.

This redneck was parked behind a trailer load of pigs near the zoo in Washington, DC.

As the truck drove away–one of the pigs fell out.

The redneck walked over and picked the pig up and placed it in the front seat of his truck.

He was sitting there looking puzzled when a policeman walked up and asked what was going on.

He told the story and the policeman recommended he take the pig to the zoo.

The redneck was sitting in the same spot the next day with the pig sitting up in the front seat.

The cop said “didn’t I ask you to take this pig to the zoo?”

The redneck replied “I did and he liked it so well–today I’m taking him to the movies!”

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