Morris, the loud-mouthed mechanic,
was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon Dr Michael DeBakey, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his Mercedes.
Morris shouted across the garage, ‘Hey, DeBakey! Is that you? Come on ova’ here a minute.’
The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where Morris the mechanic was working on the car. Morris straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, ‘So Mr Fancy Doctor, look at this. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind ‘em and put in new parts. So how come you get the big bucks when you and me are basically doing the same work?’
Dr DeBakey leaned over and whispered to him, ‘Try doing it with the engine running.’
One day, Pete complained to his friend, “My head really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor.”
His friend said, “Don’t do that. There’s a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply tell it the problem, put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose it and tell you what you can do about the issue you’re having. It only costs $20.00.”
Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $20.00. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing.
After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read: “You have migraines. You need to take better care of yourself. Get daily rest, drink a lot and avoid bright lights, stress, and strain. See me again in 2 weeks.”
During the next 2 weeks, while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this could be fooled. He decided to give it a try.
He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he even added some oil from his car. He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $20.00, again stating he had a bad headache. He waited curiously to see what the computer will say about the odd mix.
The machine again made the usual noises, flashed lights, and printed out the following analysis:
Your tap water has too much waste in it Your dog has ringworms Your teenage daughter is pregnant Your wife has had 5 different lovers in the past six months. Also, your car needs a new radiator.
And you wonder why you have a headache?