Lily
Father: Didn’t you promise to be a good boy?
Little Johnny: Yes, father.
Father: And didn’t I promise to punish you if you weren’t?
Little Johnny: Yes, father. But since I’ve broken my promise, you don’t have to keep yours.
A tightwad was looking for a gift to give a friend.
Everything was too expensive except for a glass vase that had been broken and he could purchase it for almost nothing.
He asked the store to send it hoping his friend would think it had been broken in transit.
In due time he received a note: “Thanks for the vase,” it read. “It was so thoughtful of you to wrap each piece separately.”
English Grammar class.
Teacher: What’s the difference between “He cleans the plate” and “The plate is cleaned by him”?
Student: In first sentence he is not married, but in second sentence he is married.
Seven rabbits
Teacher: If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Paddy: Seven.
Teacher: No, listen carefully again! If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Paddy: Seven.
Teacher: Let’s try this another way! If I give you two apples and two apples and another two apples, how many apples have you got?
Paddy: Six.
Teacher: Good. Now if I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Paddy: Seven.
Teacher: How on earth do you work out that three lots of two rabbits is seven?
Paddy: I’ve already got one rabbit at home.