Lily
On his birthday, my husband was stuck driving our six rambunctious children around.
As usual, they were yelling, punching, and annoying one another. Joel finally had had enough.
“Kids,” he said, “if you would behave and be kind to each other, that would be a very nice birthday present for me.”
Our six-year-old shot back, “Too late dad, I already got you another present.”
One day a father gets out of work, and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it’s his daughter’s birthday.
He dashes over to a toy shop and asks the sales person: “How much for one of those Barbies in the display window?”
The salesperson returns: “Which one do you mean, Sir? We have Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $199.95.”
The amazed father asks: “How much?! Why is the divorced Barbie $199.95 and the others only $19.95?”
The annoyed salesperson sighs and answers: “Sir, the other Barbies only come with an outfit. Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken’s Car, Ken’s House, Ken’s Boat, Ken’s Furniture, Ken’s Computer and one of Ken’s best friends.”
An Irishman took his son to the bar on his birthday to buy him his first drink.
The father bought his son a stout, but he didn’t like it and didn’t want to drink it.
The father decided to drink it for him and ordered an ale instead.
He didn’t like it either.
So, the father drank it and ordered him a cider. Lager, cider, cream ale… he didn’t like any of them, so the father drank them and ordered whisky instead.
He didn’t like any of the Irish whiskeys the father ordered, so the old man drank them and decided to give up.
By the time they left the bar.
The father was so drunk he could barely push his son’s stroller home.