The Bean Soup.

The bean soup I’d ordered was mostly water.

I decided to tell the waitress.

“This soup is awful,” I said.

“I know,” she said. “I don’t like bean soup either.”

A waitress walks up to a man to take his order.

“I’d like to get the turtle soup, please.”

The waitress walks off to go get his order, but the man changes his mind and decides he wants the pea soup instead.

“Hold the turtle, make it pea!”

A blonde in a bar is hunched over her martini spearing at the olive with a cocktail stick.

A dozen times the olive eludes her until a man sitting next to her grabs the stick and skewers it for her.

‘That’s the way to do it,’ he says.

‘Big deal,’ replies the blonde.

‘You’d never have got it unless I’d tired it out first.’

I told my friend not to get too excited about turning 32, since her birthday party would be so short.

“Why would it be short?” she asked.

I said, “Because it’s your thirty-second birthday.”