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Selective Hearing

Morris, an 82-year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said: “You’re really doing great, aren’t you?”

Morris replied: “Just doing what you said, Doc. Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.”

The doctor said: “I didn’t say that. I said, “You’ve got a heart murmur – be careful.”

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The Husband’s Budgetary Concerns

 

A rich man comes home and immediately starts shouting at his wife.

“I’ve been looking at our expenses and they are through the roof! What have you got so much to spend on? From now on, things will need to be different!”

“Different how?” the wife asked.

“Well, for starters, if you learned how to cook, we wouldn’t need a personal chef. If you learned to clean, we wouldn’t need a maid!”

The wife looks at him and responds: “Then we just need to teach you how to satisfy a woman. Then we can let the gardener go as well.”

 

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