Lily
A Polish man moved to the United States and married an American girl.
Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him – “very quick.”
The lawyer said that the speed for getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:
Lawyer: “Have you any grounds?”
Man: “Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.”
Lawyer: “No,” I mean what is the foundation of this case?”
Man: “It made of concrete.”
Lawyer: “I don’t think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?”
Man: “No, we have carport, and not need one.”
Lawyer: “I mean, what are your relations like?”
Man: “All my relations still in Poland.”
Lawyer: “Is there any infidelity in your marriage?”
Man: “Ja, we have hi- fidelity stereo set and good DVD player.”
Lawyer: Does your wife beat you up?”
Man: “No, I always up before her.”
Lawyer: “WHY do you want this divorce?”
Man: “She going to k*ll me.”
Lawyer: “What makes you think that?”
Man: “I got proof.
Lawyer: “What kind of proof?”
Man: “She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it says:
A husband went to the sheriff’s department to report that his wife was missing.
Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home.
Sergeant: What is her height?
Husband: Gee, I’m not sure. A little over five-feet tall.
Sergeant: Weight?
Husband: Don’t know. Not slim, not really fat.
Sergeant: Color of eyes?
Husband: Never noticed.
Sergeant: Color of hair?
Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown.
Sergeant: What was she wearing?
Husband: Could have been a skirt or shorts. I don’t remember exactly.
Sergeant: What kind of car did she go in?
Husband: She went in my truck.
Sergeant: What kind of truck was it?
Husband: Brand new 2015 Ford F150 King Ranch 4X4 with eco-boost 5.0L 1/6 engine special ordered with manual transmission. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed. Custom leather seats and “Bubba” floor mats. Trailering package with gold hitch. DVD with navigation, 21-channel CB radio, six cup holders, and four power outlets. Added special alloy wheels and off-road Michelins. Wife put a small scratch on the drivers door. At this point the husband started choking up.
Sergeant: Don’t worry buddy. We’ll find your truck.
