Lily
A fine-looking gentleman sat down in the main dining room of an expensive restaurant.
He ordered a big dinner and spent an hour enjoying himself.
After he was given the check, he summoned the headwaiter.
“Ah, my friend,” he said, “that was a delicious meal! Perhaps you don’t remember that I was a guest at this same table just about a year ago. And at that time I couldn’t pay the check, so you, sir had me thrown out in full view of all the other diners.”
“I am so sorry, sir,” said the head waiter, “but, you understand…”
“Oh it’s quite all right,” interrupted the gentleman, “but I’m afraid I’ll have to trouble you again.”
There was a beautiful, young girl at a soda machine in Vegas,
and she arrived there just before a businessman coming to quench his thirst.
She opened her purse and put in 50 cents, studied the machine for a short while, pushed a Diet Coke selection, and out came a Diet Coke. She placed it on a counter next to the machine.
Then she reached into her purse again, pulled out a dollar and inserted it in the machine. Studying the machine carefully, she pushed the button for Coke Classic and out came a Coke Classic and 50 cents change.
She immediately took the 50 cents and put them in the machine, studied it for a moment and pushed the Mountain Dew button. Out came a Mountain Dew. She placed them both on the counter next to the Diet Coke.
As she was reaching into her purse again, the businessman, who’d been waiting patiently for several minutes by then, spoke up. “Excuse me, miss, but are you done yet?”
She looked at him and indignantly asked,
“Well, can’t you see I’m still winning?”
A fisherman carrying a lobster bumped into a friend on the way home.
“Where are you going with the lobster under your arm?” asked his friend.
The fisherman answered, “I’m taking him home to dinner.”
Just then the lobster spoke up, “I’ve already had my dinner, can we go to a movie instead?”