An old snake goes to his doctor and says, “I need something for my eyes … I can’t see very well these days. ”
The doctor fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to come back in two weeks.
The snake comes back in two weeks and tells the doctor he’s very depressed.
“What’s the problem?” Asks the doctor.
“Didn’t the glasses help you?”
“The glasses are fine, Doc.” The snake replies dejectedly. “I just found out that I have been living with a garden hose the past 2 years.”
A Man Buying a Horse
A man named Jack walks into John’s Stable to buy a horse.
“Listen here,” says John, the owner.
“I have exactly the horse you are looking for. The only thing is he was trained by an interesting guy. He doesn’t stop and goes the usual way. The way to get him to stop is to yell ‘HEY HEY!’, and the way to get him to go is by yelling ‘Thank God!'”
Jim nodded his head. “Fine with me. Can I take him for a test run?”
A few minutes later, Jim is having the time of his life, thinking to himself that the horse sure could run fast.
As he speeds down a dirt road, he panics as he realizes there’s a cliff-edge fast approaching.
“Stop!” Jim shouts, to no avail.
He remembers what he has to say to make the horse stop just five feet from the edge and yells: “HEY HEY!”
The horse skids to a halt, with just an inch to spare before a sheer drop of hundreds of feet.
Breathless, Jim looks over the cliff-edge in disbelief at his good fortune.
He looks up to the sky, raises his hands in the air, and breathes a deep sigh of relief.
“Oh,” he says, relieved. “Thank God!”