Lily
An old accountant is on his deathbed.
Summoning his last bit of strength, he lifts his head and whispers: “Is my beloved wife Sarah here with me?”
And Sarah says, “Yes, I am here.”
He then says: “Are my children — my wonderful children — are they here with me?”
And they reply, “Yes father, we are here with you to see you breathe your last.”
And he says: “Are my brothers and sisters here with me as well?”
And they too tell him that they are here.
So the old man lays back quietly, closes his eyes, and says,
“So if everybody is here… why is the light on in the kitchen?!?”
Two blondes are working at a warehouse.
One blonde, tired of working, says to the other: “Watch this, I’m going to act crazy so that the boss will send me home.”
She climbs up the racking and hangs from the rafters yelling “I’M A LIGHTBULB, I’M A LIGHTBULB, I’M A LIGHTBULB!!”
“What are you doing?! Get down from there and GO HOME!” shouts the boss.
The second blonde picks up her toolbag and heads towards the door. “Where in the HELL do you think you’re going??” the boss exclaims.
“Well, I can’t work in the dark!”