According to research, women between the ages of 25 and 34 spend 51% more time doing household chores than men of the same age. What’s worse is that this imbalance isn’t limited to women who stay at home—it also applies to women who work full-time jobs. While chores like cooking or tidying up can sometimes be enjoyable, they can also become draining, especially during physically demanding times like pregnancy.
One of our readers wrote to us about the conflict she is facing with her husband, who insisted that, despite her pregnancy, she must continue doing all the housework on her own.
From: Julia
Subject: My husband said he won’t help me with anything while I’m pregnant
Hi everyone,
A few weeks ago, my husband Mark and I learned that I am three months pregnant. We were overjoyed by the news—we’ve been together for seven years, married for two, and having children was always part of our plan. But soon after, he said something that really shook me.
Because of the pregnancy, I’ve been moving more slowly, and I tire out quickly. Last night, after cooking dinner, I couldn’t finish washing all the dishes, so I asked Mark to help by cleaning up the kitchen.
To my shock, he flatly refused and said:
“No! This is your responsibility every day. Being pregnant doesn’t mean I should start doing the chores for you. You’re still expected to cook, clean, do laundry, and handle everything else. If you can’t manage the house, how do you expect to manage being a mother?”
I was stunned—I’d never heard him speak to me like that before.
When I asked him what I should do on days when I feel too unwell to finish everything, he replied that it didn’t matter how I felt because “a mother has to push through no matter what.”
I was so upset that I just went to bed without another word.
Am I wrong to be angry with him after what he said? I want to have a serious conversation about this, but right now I don’t know where to start—I’m too hurt and too overwhelmed to think clearly.
I would be grateful for any advice you could give me.
Sincerely,
Julia
