Lily
A man went to the doctor and the doctor told him he had only 24 hours to live.
He went home to tell his wife and after they both had a long cry over it, he asked her if she would make love with him because he only had 24 hours to live.
“Of course Darling.” she replied. And so they did it.
Four hours later they were lying in bed and he turned to her again, and asked, “You know I only have 20 hours to live, do you think we could do it again?”
Again she responded very sympathetically and agreed to make love.
Another 8 hours pass, and she had fallen asleep from exhaustion, he tapped her on the shoulder, and asked her again, “You know dear, I only have 12 more hours left, how about we do it again for old times sake?”
By this time she is getting a little annoyed, but reluctantly agrees.
After they finish she went back to sleep and 4 hours later, he tapped her on the shoulder again and asked, “Dear, I hate to keep bothering you but you know I only have 8 hours left before I die, can we do it one more time?”
Well, she turned to him with a grimace on her face and said, “You know, YOU don’t have to get up in the morning, but I do!!!”
Life was good at the Smiths. It was just another day.
Suddenly, shouts were heard from inside the house. The wife was shouting at Bob, her husband.
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry.
She told him “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!”
The next morning he got up early and left for work.
When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.