Johnny’s mother found a candy bar wrapper in his room.

Every Sunday afternoon Johnny’s mother found a candy bar wrapper in his room.

She finally had to ask:

“Johnny, why do I find a candy bar wrapper in your room every Sunday after church?”

Johnny answered by saying that God gave him the money and he used it to buy a candy bar.

His mother quickly replied.

“God gave it to you? How did this happen?”

“Well Mom, you give me a dollar to give to God.”

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“So before church every Sunday I throw it up into the air. I figure if God wants it he’ll take it. If not, it will fall back down to me.”

A woman has just won the lottery.

A woman raced her car up her driveway, squealed the brakes, and screeched to a stop.

She ran inside, banged the front door shut, and yelled, “Honey, pack your suitcase! I just won the Powerball!”

Her husband shouted back, “Wow! Really? That’s awesome!! What do you want me to pack? Mountain stuff or Caribbean stuff?

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She shouted back, “I don’t give a flip. Just get the hell out!”