Joe was a successful computer programmer and a happy family man.
His life was blessed with a loving wife, 2 kids, three cats and a dog. Joe loved taking Rusty the dog for his evening walk and was proud when his son, little Johnny, began asking to go along on Rusty’s evening walks.
Little Johnny was an observant and curious child and one evening asked his father: ‘Daddy, why does Rusty always sniff that phone pole when we take him for his walk?’
Well, Joe wasn’t sure how he should answer his son. How DOES one explain the way animals mark their territory to a 6-year-old?
Stalling for time Joe asked, “What do you think he’s doing Johnny?”
Johnny frowned in concentration, then brightened and said, “I know! I Know! He’s checking his P-Mail!”
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Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law school.
He decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in this small town. He really wanted to impress everyone. He opened his new law office, but business was very slow at first.
One day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk to his office. He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he arrived. As the man came to the door, Joe picked up the phone.
He motioned the man in, all the while saying, “No. Absolutely not. You tell those clowns in New York that I won’t settle this case for less than $1 million. Yes. The appeals court has agreed to hear that case next week. I’ll be handling the primary argument, and the other members of my team will provide support. Okay. Tell the DA that I’ll meet with him next week to discuss the details.”
This sort of thing went on for almost five minutes. All the while, the man sat patiently as Joe rattled instructions. Finally, Joe put down the phone and turned to the man.
“I’m sorry for the delay,” he said, “but as you can see, I’m very busy. What can I do for you?”
The man replied, “I’m from the phone company. I came to hook up your phone.”
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My daughter hates school.
One weekend, she cried and fretted and tried every excuse not to go back on Monday.
Sunday morning on the way home from brunch, the crying and whining built to a crescendo.
At the end of my rope, I finally stopped the car and explained, “Honey, it’s a law. If you don’t go to school, they’ll put daddy in jail.”
She looked at me, thought for a moment, then asked, “How long would you have to stay?”
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Father: Which one do you love more, me or Mommy?
Son: I love you both.
Father: Very Well, lets say I went to Japan and Mommy went to France which country will you go to?
Son: Japan.
Father: See, that you love Mommy more than me?
Son: No, I just want to visit Japan.
Father: Very well, lets say I went to Japan and Mommy went to France which country will you go to?
Son: France.
Father: See?
Son: No its just because I have already visited Japan.
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John went to visit his 90-year-old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of West Virginia.
After spending a great evening chatting the night away, John’s grandfather prepared breakfast of chicken, eggs and toast.
However, John noticed a film-like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, “Are these plates clean?”
His grandfather replied, “They’re as clean as cold water can get ’em. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!”
For lunch, the old man made cheeseburgers. Again, John was concerned about the plates as they appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg, so he asked, “Are you sure these plates are clean?”
Without looking up, the old man said, “I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don’t you fret, I don’t want to hear another word about it!”
Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather’s dog started to growl, and wouldn’t let him pass.
John yelled and said, “Grandpa, your dog won’t let me get to my car.”
Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted, “Coldwater, go lay down now, yah hear me!”
