Lily
A middle-aged woman has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table, she has a near-death experience. During that experience, she sees God and asks if this is it. God says NO and explains that she has another 30-40 years to live.
Upon her recovery she decides to just stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck – you name it, she had it. She even has someone come in and change her hair color. She figures since she’s got another 30 or 40 years she might as well make the most of it.
She walks out of the hospital after the last operation when she is k*lled by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital.
She arrives in front of God and asks, “I thought you said I had another 30-40 years?”
“Oh, ” Said God. “I didn’t recognize you.”
Two old ladies go visit their friend Mary.
They sit down and after a while Mary says: “How foolish of me! I haven’t even offered you coffee.”
So she gets up and gets the coffee.
Some time later, old Mary says: “How foolish of me! I haven’t even offered you coffee.”
So again she gets the coffee.
Half an hour later, the scene repeats for the third time. Finally the two ladies say goodbye.
“Mary is acting really weird, don’t you think?” says the first one.
“All the time we spent there, she hasn’t even offered us coffee!”.
The second one looks at her in amazement: “What? You’ve been to see Mary, and you haven’t even invited me??”