Lily
A man in Pakistan calls his son in London the day before Eid and says,
‘I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.’
‘Dad, what are you talking about?’ the son screams.
‘We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,’ the father says.
‘We’re sick of each other and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.’
Franticly, the son calls his sister who explodes on the phone, ‘Like hell, they’re getting divorced!’ she shouts. ‘I’ll take care of this!’
She calls Pakistan immediately, and screams at her father, ‘You are not getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing! Do you hear me?’
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife, ‘Sorted! They’re coming for Eid, and they’re paying their own way.’
Remote shopping
“Cash, check or charge?” the billing clerk at a store asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet he noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
“Do you always carry your TV remote?” he asked.
“No,” she replied. “But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him.”
The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked,
“You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?”
“Why?”
“Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.”