A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the wife asked, “Honey if I died would you get married again?”
The husband said, “No sweetie.”
The woman said, “I’m sure you would.”
So the man said, “Okay, I would”
Then the woman asked, “Would you let her sleep in our bed?”
And the man replied, “Ya, I guess so.”
Then the wife asked, “Would you let her use my golf clubs?”
And the husband replied, “No, she’s left-handed.”
The Drunk Man Screams In The Bathroom.
A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom.
A few minutes later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard from the bathroom.
A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.
The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming. “What’s all the screaming about in there? You’re scaring the customers!”
“I’m just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, Some thing comes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls.”
With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says…
“You idiot. You’re sitting on the mop bucket!”