Bean
A patron in a Montreal restaurant turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded.
“This is an outrage,” he complained.
“The faucet marked ‘C’ gave me boiling water.”
“But, Monsieur, ‘C’ stands for Chaud – French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal.”
“Wait a minute,” said the patron.
“The other tap is also marked ‘C’!”
“Of course,” said the manager.
“It stands for cold. After all, Montreal is a bilingual city.”
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Prolonged Life
George goes to the doctor after getting some very bad news about his condition.
Doctor: “Unfortunately sir, you have only 1 week to live.”
George: “Doctor, what on Earth are you saying?”, clearly shocked. “What can I do to live at least a little longer? I don’t have any family but I really want to finish all the tv shows I’m watching.”
Doctor: “Well, do you eat greasy and fried food?”
George: “Yes.”
Doctor: “Stop doing that.”
George: “If I’ll live longer, sure!”
Doctor: “Do you drink sodas and eat fast food?”
George: “Yes.” Doctor: “Stop doing that.”
George: “If it allows me to live longer, sure.”
Doctor: “Do you stay up late?”
George: “Most nights.” Doctor: “Stop doing that.”
George: “Alright, done.”
George: “Well, I guess, if it means living longer.”
Doctor: “Do you smoke?”
George: “Yes.”
Doctor: “Stop doing that.”
George: “If it allows me to live longer, I will.”
Doctor: “Do you drink?”
George: “Yes…”
Doctor: “Stop doing that.”
George: “OK Doctor, but you didn’t tell me if I do all the things you told me to do, how much longer will I live?”
Doctor: “You’ll still only live a week… but it will seem like a decade.”