With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old woman was able to give birth.
When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit.
“May we see the new baby?” one asked.
“Not yet,” said the mother. “I’ll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.”
Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asked, “May we see the new baby now?”
“No, not yet,” said the mother.
After another few minutes had elapsed, they asked again, “May we see the baby now?”
“No, not yet,” replied the mother.
Growing very impatient, they asked, “Well, when can we see the baby?”
“WHEN HE CRIES!” she told them.
“Why do we have to wait until he CRIES?”
“BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM. O.K.?”
A blonde holding a baby walks into a drug store
and asks the clerk if she can use the stores baby scale.
“Sorry, ma’am,” says the clerk. “Our baby scale is broken. But we can figure the baby’s weight if we weigh mother and baby together on the adult scale, and then weigh the mother alone, and subtract the second number from the first.”
“Oh, that won’t work,” says the blonde.
“Why not?” asks the clerk.
“Because,” she answers, “I’m not the mother – I’m the aunt.”