Three mice are being chased by a cat.
The mice were cornered when one of the mice turned around and barked, “Ruff! Ruff! Ruff!”
The surprised cat ran away scared.
Later when the mice told their mother what happened, she smiled and said, “You see, it pays to be bilingual!”
So these two roaches, Tom and Oscar, are hanging out next to a dumpster enjoying a snack.
“Hey Tom” said Oscar to his friend, “You know that restaurant down the block? I went there yesterday to pick up some scraps, and I couldn’t believe how clean it was, I could practically see my reflection through the shiny waxed floor.”
“Oscar” hollered Tom spitting the food out of his mouth, “please not while I am eating!”
One day a college professor of Psychology was greeting his new college class.
He stood up in front of the class and said, “Would everyone who thinks he or she is stupid please stand up?”
After a minute or so of silence, a young man stood up.
“Well, good morning. So, you actually think you’re a moron?” the professor asked.
The kid replied, “No sir, I just didn’t want to see you standing there all by yourself.”