A stockbroker was cold calling about a penny stock and found Bob.
“I think this one will really move,” said the broker. “It’s only $1 a share.”
“Buy me 1000 shares,” said Bob.
The next day the stock was at $2.
Bob called the broker and said, “You were right, get me another 5000 shares.”
The next day when Bob checked in the paper, the stock was at $4. He ran to the phone and called the broker, “Get me 10,000 more shares!”
“Great!” said the broker.
The next day Bob looked in the paper and the stock was now selling for $10 a share. With all his purchases, Bob had made over $100,000 in just four days.
Excited, Bob called the broker and said, “Sell all my shares! I want to cash out.”
The broker replied, “I would, but to whom? You were the only one buying that stock.”
Six retired Floridians play high stakes poker in the condo clubhouse.
A member of the group, Meiers, loses $5,000 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table.
Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five finish playing the hand standing up.
Finkelstein looks around and asks, “So, who’s gonna’ tell his wife?”
They cut the cards, and Goldberg “wins” the duty. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, not to make a bad situation any worse.
“Discreet? I’m the most discreet person you’ll ever meet. Discretion is my middle name,” he says. Leave it to me.”
Goldberg goes over to the Meiers’ apartment and knocks on the door. Mrs. Meiers wife answers and asks what he wants.
Goldberg declares, “Your husband just lost $5,000 playing poker, and is afraid to come home.”
“Tell him to drop dead!” says the wife.