Lily
My husband and I couldn’t decide which jacket to buy our granddaughter, so we asked the young salesman.
“If you were buying a jacket for your girlfriend,” I said, “what would you get?”
“A bulletproof one,” he said. “I’m married.”
A young man from Nebraska moves to Florida and goes to a big “everything under one roof” department store looking for a job.
The manager asks, “Do you have any sales experience?”
The man replies, “Yeah, I was one of the best footwear salesmen back in Omaha.”
The boss likes the guy and gives him the job. “You can start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.”
His first day on the job is rough, but he gets through it. After the store is locked up, the boss comes down. “How many customers bought something from you today?” The man responds, “One.”
The boss says, “Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?”
“$101,237.65.”
“How is it possible? What did you sell?”
“First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a large fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, and I sold him a twin engine Boston Whaler. Then he said he didn’t think his car would pull it, so I took him down to the automobile department and sold him a 4×4 truck with all the bells and whistles.”
“A guy came in here to buy a fish hook, and you sold him a boat and a truck?”
“No, the guy came in here to buy diapers for his kid, and I said, ‘Dude, your weekend’s shot. You should go fishing.’”
A little old Texas lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
“Good morning,” said the young man, “If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners, straight from California.”
“Go away!” said the old lady, “I haven’t got any money to spend on things like that!” and she proceeded to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open.
“Don’t be too hasty!” he said. “At least wait until you’ve seen my demonstration.”
And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.
“If this vacuum cleaner doesn’t remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder, cross my heart.”
The old lady stepped back and said, “Wait here while I go get a spoon. I hope you’ve got a darn good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning.”