Lily
A fighter pilot finishes refueling from a refueling plane.
The fighter pilot, feeling superior, gets on the radio and tells the refueling pilot to watch this.
The fighter pilot goes through an array of aerial acrobatics. Tight twists, loops, and s-curves. He gets back on the radio and tells the refueling pilot he must be jealous because his plane can’t do that.
The refueling pilot says, “Oh yeah, watch this!”
For the next 10 minutes the refueling plane flew straight as an arrow. Then the pilot got on the radio and said, “Did you see that?”
The fighter pilot, confused, said, “You just flew straight. That’s not fun.”
The refueling pilot said, “No, I got up and went to the bathroom and grabbed my steak off the stove and had dinner.”
A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window.
A few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong, mean-looking, hulking guy plops down in the seat next to him and immediately falls asleep.
The little guy starts to feel a little airsick, but he’s afraid to wake the big guy up to ask if he can go to the toilet.
He knows he can’t climb over him, and so the little guy is sitting there, looking at the big guy, trying to decide what to do.
Suddenly, the plane hits an air pocket and an uncontrollable wave of nausea passes through the little guy.
He can’t hold it in any longer and he pukes all over the big guy’s chest.
About five minutes later the big guy wakes up, looks down, and sees the vomit all over him.
“So,” says the little guy, “are you feeling better now?”
Crashed Expectation
Upset Pilot (after crash): “I was trying to break a record…”
Farmer: “Well, you’ve made it. You’re the first man in these parts who climbed down a tree without having to climb up it first.”