Judi went to a “Dude Ranch” on vacation.
The cowboy preparing the horses asked if she wanted a Western or English saddle.
Judi asked what the difference was.
“Well,” said the cowboy, “one has a horn and the other doesn’t.”
Judi thought about it for a second and answered, “Just get the one without the horn. I don’t think we’ll run into too much traffic out here.”
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It was Saturday morning and Jake, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season.
He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage.
Jake asks her, “What are you up to?”
Alice smiles, “I’m going hunting with you!”
Jake, though he has many reservations, reluctantly decides to take her along.
They arrive at the hunting site. Jake sets his wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her, “If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I’ll come running back as soon as I hear the shot.”
Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn’t bag an elephant — much less a deer.
But not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots. Quickly, Jake starts running back. As Jake gets closer to her stand, he hears Alice screaming, “Get away from my deer!”
Confused, Jake races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he hears her yell, “Get away from my deer!” followed by another volley of gunfire.
Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake is surprised to see a cowboy, with his hands high in the air. The cowboy, obviously distraught, says, “Okay, lady, okay! You can have your deer! Just let me get my saddle off it!”
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A guy was driving past a farm one day when he noticed a beautiful horse stood in one of the fields.
Hoping to buy the horse, the guy stopped and offered the farmer $500 for it.
The farmer said, “Sorry, he’s not for sale. He doesn’t look too good.”
The guy said, “He looks just fine. Tell you what, I’ll give you $1,000 for him.”
The farmer again said, “Sorry, he’s not for sale. He doesn’t look too good.”
The guy now really wanted the horse and so increased his offer to $1,500.
The farmer said, “Well, he doesn’t look so good but if you want him that much he’s yours.”
So the guy bought the horse and took him home. The next day he returned to the farm, hopping mad.
He shouted at the farmer, “Hey, you cheated me! You sold me a blind horse!”
The farmer calmly said, “I told you he didn’t look too good, didn’t I?”
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A man named Jack strides into John’s Stable looking to buy a horse.
“Listen here,” says John, the owner. “I’ve got just the horse you’re looking for. The only thing is he was trained by an interesting fellow. He doesn’t stop and go the usual way. The way to get him to stop is to yell ‘heyhey!’, and the way to get him to go is by yelling ‘Thank God!'”
Jim nodded his head. “Fine with me. Can I take him for a test run?”
John agrees. A few minutes later, Jim is having the time of his life, thinking to himself that the horse sure could run fast. As he speeds down a dirt road, he panics as he realizes there’s a cliff-edge fast approaching.
“Stop!” screams Jim, to no avail. He remembers what he has to say to make the horse stop just five feet from the edge and yells: “HEYHEY!” The horse skids to a halt, with just an inch to spare before a sheer drop of hundreds of feet.
Gasping, Jim looks over the cliff-edge in disbelief at his good fortune. He looks up to the sky, raises his hands in the air and breathes a deep sigh of relief.
