While walking through the woods one day, I was surprised to hear a child’s voice.
I followed the sound, trying in vain to understand the child’s words. When I spotted a girl perched on a rock, I realized why her words had made no sense: She was repeating the alphabet.
“Why are you saying your ABC’s so many times?” I asked her.
The child replied, “I’m saying my prayers.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Prayers? All I hear is the alphabet.”
Patiently, the child explained, “Well, I don’t know all the words, so I give God the letters. He knows what I’m trying to say.”
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A little girl is sitting on her grandpa’s lap and studying the wrinkles on his old face.
She gets up the nerve to rub her fingers over the wrinkles.
Then she touches her own face and looks more puzzled.
Finally the little girl asks, “Grandpa, did God make you?”
“He sure did honey, a long time ago,” replies her grandpa.
“Well, did God make me?” asks the little girl.
“Yes, He did, and that wasn’t too long ago,” answers her grandpa.
“Boy,” says the little girl, “He’s sure doing a lot better job these days isn’t He?”
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Jimmy and Matty, ages 8 and 4, were excessively mischievous.
They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew if any mischief occurred in their town, the two boys were probably involved.
The boys’ mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually. The mother sent Matty in the morning, and planned to send Jimmy to see the preacher in the afternoon.
The preacher, a huge man with a deep booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, “Do you know where God is, son?”
The boy’s mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open. So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, “Where is God?!”
Again, Matty made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy’s face and bellowed, “Where is God?!”
The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, “What happened?”
Matty, gasping for breath, replied, “We are in BIG trouble this time! GOD is missing, and they think WE did it!”
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A man named Jack strides into John’s Stable looking to buy a horse.
“Listen here,” says John, the owner. “I’ve got just the horse you’re looking for. The only thing is he was trained by an interesting fellow. He doesn’t stop and go the usual way. The way to get him to stop is to yell ‘heyhey!’, and the way to get him to go is by yelling ‘Thank God!'”
Jim nodded his head. “Fine with me. Can I take him for a test run?”
John agrees. A few minutes later, Jim is having the time of his life, thinking to himself that the horse sure could run fast. As he speeds down a dirt road, he panics as he realizes there’s a cliff-edge fast approaching.
“Stop!” screams Jim, to no avail. He remembers what he has to say to make the horse stop just five feet from the edge and yells: “HEYHEY!” The horse skids to a halt, with just an inch to spare before a sheer drop of hundreds of feet.
Gasping, Jim looks over the cliff-edge in disbelief at his good fortune. He looks up to the sky, raises his hands in the air and breathes a deep sigh of relief.
“Oh,” he says, relieved. “Thank God!”
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A cowboy rides his horse into a small town.
His throat is parched, so he ties his horse to a pole next to a bar and goes in for a drink. He comes out a few minutes later, and someone already stole his horse.
The people of the town are looking to see his reaction, they aren’t even discreet about it. He looks around at everyone and says loud and clear: “I will walk back into the bar to get myself another drink, and if I don’t see my horse right in front of the bar, I will have to do what I did in Texas a year ago after someone stole my horse. And trust me, I didn’t like what I had to do in Texas a year ago.”
After his confident speech, the man walked back into the bar. The townsfolk looked at each other in fear and got the horse back.
The cowboy finished his second drink and walked out of the bar, saddled the horse, but just before he left the bartender walked up to him and asked. “Hey, cowboy, we know that we got you your horse back, but do you mind telling us what you had to do a year ago in Texas?”
