Paddy & Jimmy were walking along a street in London.
Paddy looked in one of the shop windows and saw a sign that caught his eye.
The sign read, “Suits Pound 5.00 each, Shirts Pound 2.00 each, Trousers Pound 2.50 per pair”.
Paddy said to his pal, “Look at the prices! We could buy a whole lot of these, and when we get back to Scotland, we could make a fortune. Now, when we go in, you stay quiet, okay? Let me do all the talking cause if they hear our accents, they might think we are cheap Scotsmen and try to screw us. I’ll put on my best London accent.”
“OK, Paddy, I’ll keep my mouth shut,” said Jimmy.
They go in, and Paddy said in a posh voice, “Hello, my good man. I’ll take 50 suits at Pound 5.00 each, 100 shirts at Pound 2.00 each, and 50 pairs of trousers at Pound 2.50 each. I’ll back up my truck, ready to load them on, old chap!”
The owner of the shop said quietly, “You’re from Scotland, aren’t you?”
“Well, yes,” said a surprised Paddy. “What gave it away?”
The owner replied, “This is a dry cleaners……..”
==============================================
An old French lady had a small shop in her village for years, until one day a huge corporate supermarket set up across the road from her little shop.
They put up signs advertising their prices, including one that said: “Butter – 10 Francs”
In response, the lady added a sign to her own window: “Butter – 9 Francs”
The next day, the big supermarket had a new sign: “Butter – 8 Francs”
Sure enough, the day after the lady’s sign now read: “7 Franc.”
This went on for a while, until eventually one of the lady’s customers pointed to the sign and said, “Madame, you cannot keep your prices so low for long. These big companies can use their buying power to sell products cheaper, but a little store like yours can never compete.”
In response, the old lady bent forward conspiratorially and muttered, “Monsieur, I don’t even sell butter.”
==============================================
A film crew was filming in the highlands in Scotland
when an old Gaelic seer came hobbling by and said, “Tomorrow rain,” and hobbled on. Sure enough, it rained the very next day. Again he hobbled past and said, “Tomorrow sunshine.” It was indeed a fine sunny day the next day.
The director was mighty impressed and got the crew to hire him, and every day, the wise old sage predicted accurately what the weather would be. But after a couple of weeks, the old man didn’t show up and eventually the director found him in a bothy and said, “Hey, we need your predictions; why aren’t you showing up?”
“Radio broken,” the old man replied.
==============================================
It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild.
Since he was an Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets, and when he looked at the sky, he couldn’t tell what the weather was going to be.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared.
But also being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, “Is the coming winter going to be cold?”
“It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold, indeed!” the Meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared.
One week later, he called the National Weather Service again.
“Is it going to be a very cold winter?” he asked.
“Yes,” the man at National Weather Service again replied, “it’s going to be a very cold winter.”
The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find.
Two weeks later, he called the National Weather Service again.
“Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?”
“Absolutely,” the man replied. “It looks like it’s going to be one of the coldest winters ever.”
“How can you be so sure?” the Chief asked.
The weatherman replied, “The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy.”
