A man hasn’t been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup.
Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results.
“I’m afraid I have some very bad news,” the doctor says. “You’re dying, and you don’t have much time left.”
“Oh, that’s terrible!” says the man. “How long have I got?”
“Ten,” the doctor says sadly.
“Ten?” the man asks. “Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!”
“Nine…”
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A man goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts.”
The doctor asks, “What do you mean?”
The man says, “When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee –
OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts.”
The doctor says, “I know what’s wrong with you – you’ve broken your finger!”
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Patient 1: ‘Why did you run away from the operation table?’
Patient 2: ‘The nurse was repeatedly saying ‘don’t get nervous’, ‘don’t be afraid’, ‘be strong’, ‘this is a small operation only’, and things like that.’
Patient 1: ‘So what was wrong in that? Why were you so afraid?’
Patient 2: ‘She was talking to the surgeon!’
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A doctor walks into a room full of patients at a mental institution,
takes out a pen, and draws a door on the wall. He then tells all the patients that whoever wants to escape should use that door.
Immediately, they all rush towards it, but of course cannot go through.
However, one patient sits still at the back with a smile on his face. He has not moved at all.
The doctor thinks he must have been cured. He then asks the patient why he did not rush to the door, and the patient whispers, “They don’t know that I’m the one who has the key.”
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A 90 year old women goes to the doctor.
“Dr I can’t stop farting, sure they don’t smell and make no noise but still i can’t take it any more.”
“Well take these pills every day and come back in a week.”
“Dr what did you do to me not only am I still farting now they smell as well!”
“Oh very well , now about your hearing…”
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The man looked a little worried
when the doctor came in to administer his annual physical, so the first thing the doctor did was to ask whether anything was troubling him.
“Well, to tell the truth, Doc, yes,” answered the patient.
“You see, I seem to be getting forgetful. I’m never sure I can remember where I put the car, or whether I answered a letter, or where I’m going, or what it is I’m going to do once I get there — if I get there. So, I really need your help. What can I do?”
The doctor mused for a moment, then answered in his kindest tone, “Pay me in advance.”
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A man went to the doctor and said that he hadn’t been feeling very well recently.
The doctor examined the man, and prescribed three kinds of pills.
The doctor said, “Take the green one with a big glass of water when you wake up. Take the blue one with a big glass of water after you eat lunch. Then just before bed, take the red one with another big glass of water.
The man, astounded that he had to take so much medicine, stammered, “Jeez Doc, exactly what is my problem?”
The doctor replied, “You aren’t drinking enough water.”
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It was early morning and an old man in his eighties got up and was putting on his coat.
His wife said,”Where are you going?”
He said, “I’m going to the doctor.”
And she said, “Why, are you sick?”
“No” he said, “I’m going to get me some of those new Via.gra pills.”
So his wife got up out of her rocker and was putting on her sweater and he said, “Where are you going?”
She said, “I’m going to the doctor, too.”
“Why?”
