Few things hurt a mother more than seeing her children excluded or treated as outsiders. Marissa recently experienced this pain when her in-laws treated her kids differently from their other grandchildren and left them out of a meaningful family gathering. Heartbroken, Marissa turned to us for guidance.
This is Marissa’s letter.
For their 50th wedding anniversary, my in-laws invited the entire family to dinner at a high-end restaurant. They made it very clear that the evening was for adults only, so we arranged for our kids, Lucas (9) and Mia (7), to stay home.
When we arrived, I was stunned to see all their other grandchildren seated around the table. Every single one of them had been included—except mine.
The worst part? My husband wasn’t surprised. He leaned toward me and said, “You have to admit, even though it took my parents a long time to accept Lucas and Mia, they really have made progress.” Then, as if that weren’t bad enough, he added, “But this is a family celebration, and my parents insisted only blood relatives should be here.”
Lucas and Mia are my children from my first marriage. Even though they aren’t his biological kids, my husband has always said he views them as his own. He has shown them love and treated them no differently than children we might have together. Unfortunately, his parents have never shared that outlook. From the beginning, they disapproved of his marrying me because, in their words, I came with “baggage.” They wanted their son to start fresh, with children of his own.
Seeing my kids excluded so blatantly broke my heart. They’re wonderful, well-mannered children who deserve better than to be treated as outsiders. But if I’m honest, my anger has shifted more toward my husband than my in-laws. He should have stood up for us—for our family—but instead, he quietly went along with their wishes.
I feel lost and betrayed, and I don’t know how to move forward from this.
Sincerely,
Marissa
