Lily
Two women realize that their apartment is on fire and go out onto the balcony.
“Help, help!” yells one of the women.
“Help us, help us!” yells the other.
“Maybe it would help if we yell together,” said the first.
“Good idea,” said the other.
“TOGETHER, TOGETHER!”
High prices of gas
Two people walk into a gas station.
The first one says, “These prices are awful. They just keep going higher!”
The second replies, “It doesn’t affect me at all. I always put in just $20 worth.”
Two men were in a forest,
when a lion came roaring towards them.
One of them throws sand into the lion’s eyes and then runs.
The second man stays, unmoved.
The first man looks back and shouts, “Why are you not running?”
The second man replies, “Why should I be running? You’re the one who threw the sand.”
Two men were hotly discussing the merits of a book.
Finally, one of them – himself an author – said to the other, “You can’t appreciate it because you never wrote a book yourself.”
“No,” the other man retorted, “and I never laid an egg, but I’m still a better judge of an omelet than any hen.”
Two Roofers, Bob and Dan,
were putting a new roof on a barn when a bundle of shingles slid down the slope and knocked the ladder over.
Bob and Dan decided since it was early they would continue working because someone would surely come around by quitting time.
It was nearing 5 PM and they hadn’t seen hide nor hair of anyone.
So, they walked around the roof a few times and finally decided there was only one way down.
On the West side of the barn was a big manure pile.
Bob says, “It’s the only way down. I will go first.” Bob jumped.
Dan heard the squishy landing and yelled, “Hey Bob! How deep did you go?”
Bob yells back, “I went to my ankles Dan, come on JUMP!”
Dan jumps… and sinks clear up to his neck in manure! “I thought when you jumped you went up to your ankles?” He shouts at his friend.
“I did…” Explained Bob, “but I landed head first!”