Lily
Dangerous Assumption
On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher.
The florist’s son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers.
The candy-store owner’s daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy.
Then the liquor-store owner’s son brought up a big, heavy box.
The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit.
She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it.
“Is it wine?” she guessed.
“No,” the boy replied. She tasted another drop and asked, ” Champagne?”
“No,” said the little boy… “It’s a puppy!”
I was preparing to go cash a paycheck
when I realized my husband hadn’t signed it. So I sent our four-year-old daughter upstairs to “get Daddy’s name on the back of it.”
She came back, handed it to me, and said, “I knew his name so I did it myself.”
On the back of the check, she had printed, “D-A-D”.
Kid stuff
A very dirty little fellow came in from playing in the yard and asked his mother, “Who am I?”
Ready to play the game she said, “I don’t know! Who are you?”
“WOW!” cried the child. “Mrs Johnson was right! She said I was so dirty, my own mother wouldn’t recognise me!”
Exam scare
Father to son after exam: “Let me see your report card.”
Son: “My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.”
Young wisdom
A man comes to dinner at a new friend’s house. While they eat, the new friend’s small son keeps staring at the guest. Finally, the guest says, “Why are you staring at me like that, young fellow?”
The kid says, “Daddy told me you were a self-made man.”
“I am.”
“Well, why did you make yourself like that?”
Baby: “Mommy.”
Dad: “No. Say daddy.”
Baby: “Mommy.”
Dad: “Crap! Say daddy!”
Baby: “Crap!”
Dad: “What did you say?”
Baby: “Crap!”
Mom: “I’m home!”
Baby: “Crap!”
Mom: “What? Where did you hear that?”
Baby: “Daddy.”