The manager of the liquor store gets a phone call at 8 pm.

“At what time do you open tomorrow?” asked the caller.

“At nine,” he answered. The phone rings at midnight

“What time do you open … in the morning?” “At nine”.

The phone rings at 4 in the morning “Whatt tim do ya openn in the mornin?”

“I told you before at nine”.

“Imm just inn aa hury cause i got locked in tha stor las nite.”

Customers are so innocent!

Customer: “I’ve been ringing 0700-2300 for two days and can’t get through to enquiries; can you help?”

Operator: “Where did you get the number from, sir?”

Customer: “It was on the door to the Travel Centre”.

Operator: “Sir, they are our opening and closing hours.”

A fifteen-year-old Amish boy and his father visited the city for the very first time.

They wandered around, marveling at the different sights. Eventually, they got to a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but they were especially amazed at two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

The boy asked, “What is this Father?”

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is.”

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady passed between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally, the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond woman stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son: “Junior, go get your Mother.”