Lily
A female alcoholic walks into a bar that has a sign marked: “For Men Only.”
“I’m sorry, ma’am,” says the bartender. “We only serve men in this place.”
“That’s OK, “she says, “I’ll take one of them.”
A man and a monkey walk into a bar.
The man sits down and orders a beer. The monkey jumps onto the bar and eats a very old olive that was sitting there.
The bartender says, “Did you see what your monkey did? He ate that disgusting olive!”
The man says, “Oh, he does stuff like that all the time. Just ignore it.”
The man finishes his beer and he and the monkey leave.
A couple days later, the man and the monkey walk back into the bar. The man sits down and orders a beer. The monkey jumps onto the pool table and swallows the cue ball.
The bartender says, “Did you see what your monkey did? He swallowed the cue ball!”
The man says, “Oh, he does stuff like that all the time. Just ignore it.”
The man finishes his beer and he and the monkey leave.
A week later, the man and the monkey walk back into the bar. The man sits down and orders a beer. The monkey jumps onto the bar, picks up a cherry, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.
The bartender says, “That is the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen. Your monkey stuck that cherry up his butt and ate it.”
The man says, “Yeah, ever since the cue ball incident, he measures everything first.”