Lily
Sam had been in the computer business for 25 years and was finally sick of the stress.
He quit his job and bought 50 acres of land in Minnesota as far from humanity as possible.
Sam saw the postman once a week and got groceries once a month. Otherwise, it was total peace and quiet.
After six months or so of almost total isolation, he was just finishing dinner when someone knocked on his door. He opened it and there was a big, bearded man standing there.
“Name’s Leon… Your neighbor from four miles away… Having a party Saturday… thought you’d like to come.”
“Great,” says Sam. “After six months out here I’m ready to meet some local folks. Thank you.”
As Leon was leaving he stopped, “Gotta warn you there’s gonna be some drinkin’.”
“Not a problem… after 25 years in the computer business, I can drink with the best of ’em.”
Again, as he started to leave Leon stopped. “More ‘n’ likely gonna be some fightin’ too.”
Sam says, “Well, I get along with people. I’ll be there. Thanks again.”
Once again Leon turned from the door. “I’ve seen some wild se* at these parties, too.”
“Now that’s not a problem,” says Sam, “I’ve been all alone for six months! I’ll definitely be there…by the way, what should I wear?”
Leon stopped in the door again and said, “Whatever you want, just gonna be the two of us.”
Mother had 3 virgin daughters who were all getting married in quick succession.
As the mother was concerned about their first experiences, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words about what transpired.
The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but: ‘Nescafe’
The mother was puzzled at first… she went to her kitchen and found the Nescafe jar. It said: ‘Good till the last drop’.
Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.
The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: ‘Rothmans’
The mother found her husband’s cigarettes, and she read from the pack: ‘Extra Long. King Size’
She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.
The third girl left for her honeymoon in Auckland, New Zealand. Mom waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived.
Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words ‘Air New Zealand’
Mom took out her latest YOU magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for Air NZ.
The ad said: ‘Ten times a day, seven days a week, both ways.’
Mum fainted…