Lily
Father O’Flannagan dies due to old age.
Upon entering St. Peter’s gate, there is another man in front of him in the queue waiting to go into heaven.
St. Peter asks the man, “What is your name what did you accomplish during your life?”.
The man responds “My name is Joe Cohen, and I was a New York city taxi driver for 14 years”
“Very well,” says St. Peter, “Here is your silk robe and golden scepter, now you may walk in the streets of our Lord.”
St. Peter looks at the Father, and asks “What is your name and what did you accomplish?”
He responds, “I’m Father O’Flannagan, and have devoted the last 62 years to the Lord.”
“Very well,” says St. Peter, “Here is your cotton robe and wooden staff, you may enter.”
“Wait a minute,” says O’Flannagan, “You gave the taxi driver a silk robe and golden scepter, why did I only get a cotton robe and wooden staff?”
“Well,” St. Peter replied, “We work on a performance scale. While you preached, everyone slept, but when he drove taxis, everyone prayed!”
A little boy was afraid of the dark.
One night his mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the broom.
The little boy turned to his mother and said: “Mama, I don’t want to go out there. It’s dark.”
The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. “You don’t have to be afraid of the dark,” she explained. “Jesus is out there. He’ll look after you and protect you.”
The little boy looked at his mother with a confused stare and asked: “Are you sure he’s out there?”
“Yes, I’m sure. He is everywhere, and he is always ready to help you when you need him,” she said.
The little boy thought about that for a minute and then went to the back door and cracked it a little. Peering out into the darkness, he called: “Jesus? If you’re out there, would you please hand me the broom?”