Lily
Mother had 3 virgin daughters who were all getting married in quick succession.
As the mother was concerned about their first experiences, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words about what transpired.
The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but: ‘Nescafe’
The mother was puzzled at first… she went to her kitchen and found the Nescafe jar. It said: ‘Good till the last drop’.
Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.
The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: ‘Rothmans’
The mother found her husband’s cigarettes, and she read from the pack: ‘Extra Long. King Size’
She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.
The third girl left for her honeymoon in Auckland, New Zealand. Mom waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived.
Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words ‘Air New Zealand’
Mom took out her latest YOU magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for Air NZ.
The ad said: ‘Ten times a day, seven days a week, both ways.’
Mum fainted…
So a kid is going through his mother’s purse and takes out her driving license.
His mother catches him reading it and mildly scolds him. The kid says “but i learned so much about you from it!”
“Well, OK, what did you learn about me?”
“Well… I know your age now.”
“And what is that?”, says his mother.
“You’re old”, says the kid.
“And I learned your height.”
“Which is?”
“You’re really tall.”
“Well, yes, I am tall for a woman.”
“And I learned your weight”, he says.
“And what is that?”, asks the mother.
“A lot for a woman your height.”
The mother sighs and says “Well, that’s not nice, but I can’t argue that.”
“And,” the kid says, “I know why dad divorced you.”
“Huh? What?! How on earth did you get that from a driver’s license?”