Three buddies die in a car crash, they go to heaven to an orientation.
They are all asked, “When you are in your co..ffin and your friends and family are mourning for you, what do you want when they say about you?”
The first guy says, “I would love to hear they say that I was a great doctor of my time and a great family man.”
The second guy says, “I would love to hear that I was a wonderful husband and teacher who made a huge difference to our children of tomorrow.”
The last guy replies, “I’d like to hear them say…… look at him, he’s moving!”
Stumping the ghost
A mathematician, a philosopher, and a blonde all go to Hell and receive a challenge from the D..e.v..il – if they can stump him, they’re free to go to heaven instead.
The philosopher goes first and asks the D..e.v..il a very hard philosophy question – to which the D..e.v..il snaps his fingers, gets a book, and gives the answer.
The mathematician tries as well – but the D..e.v..il instantly gets the answer.
When it comes to the blonde, she pulls up a chair and drills three holes in it.
She then sits down in the chair and farts.
“Now,” she says, “which hole did the fart come out of?”
“That’s easy,” says the D..e.v..il lf. “All of them.”
“No, stupid! It came out of my hole!”